Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
