i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
