come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Randomize
