I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Randomize
