I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Help. Why am I so naked?
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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