i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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