my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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