Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
