the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Randomize
