she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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