I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
someone threw a dead crab at me
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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