i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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