I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
