Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
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