that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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