His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Randomize