I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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