Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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