Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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