I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Randomize
