my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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