People with herpes should wear stickers.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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