hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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