I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
