Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
