batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
