I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Randomize
