the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
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