I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
