I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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