Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
