I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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