Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
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