i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
