i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
