no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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