My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
