I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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