Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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