Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
soo... how was my night?
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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