Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
