remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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