im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
