We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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