you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
