I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Just pee around me
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I am mentally ready for anal.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
