omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
