we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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