Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
