i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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