Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
