your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
that's an acceptable place to lick
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Randomize
