wrigley field is MILF paradise
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Randomize
