I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
