dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
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