I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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