i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Randomize
