Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
