So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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