It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
