Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
